2007
12/29/2007

16 years

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Elise and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last week. I took the time to reflect on our marriage and how we have experienced life together during those years.

There were some big surprises when we were married. I expected us to live fairy tale lives. I am not sure why I thought this, but expect most of it has to do with Elise and my perception of the lives around us. That’s just sort of how things happened. This was the typical story:

Get married, have kids, raise a family, have a great job, go on vacations, have the same friends and new ones, and live happily ever after. That is what everyone did, right?

It didn’t take very long to realize this wasn’t the way it was going to work. The realities of life set in quickly and to stay. In the first 6 years we were broke a lot, surrounded by difficult relationships, I left the job I had pursued with all my might, often had conflict between Elise and I, and generally just had difficulty “getting on the same page” in life.

This was not the fairy tale we had expected.

Another shocker for me was when we were married and I realized we were not always going to see eye to eye about things. In fact, even on our honeymoon Elise and I were in conflict. It was not major, but it was enough for me to realize that it was going to be a bumpy road, not the smooth one that I had seen in the future.

I grew up in a home where conflict was not exposed. It was hidden or addressed in unhealthy ways – like sending letters back and forth instead of having face to face conversations. Usually this tactic was some variety of “throw a dagger at someone and then run and hide”. Elise grew up in a home where conflict was usually out in the open and in your face. Although it was exposed, it probably still was not always the healthiest. It didn’t take too long to adopt her families style of dealing with conflict, but while it was more in the open we didn’t always get to resolution very well..

On the flipside, even with these dynamics, there have been an amazing amount of things that have floored me in a positive way.

The first has been how incredibly intimate Elise and I have become. This intimacy has been an incredible experience and one that I would not trade for anything this side of eternity. Of course, before we were married, I would have stated the standard lines and ideas about being married and how intimate we would be (the two shall be one, a chord of three strands, blah, blah, blah) but the reality of experiencing this intimacy has been far more than I could have ever even imagined. This is truly God’s greatest gift to me in marriage. To be known and accepted and to know and accept has been a consistent joy in my life.

All the words in the world could not adequately describe the mystery of this intimacy and unity.

It has not been easy. In many ways it has been the hardest work Elise and I have ever had to do. But whatever pain and whatever work has gone into pursuing each other and allowing ourselves to be pursued has paid off as much as any earthly endeavor we have undertaken.

Another surprise has been the extent to which Elise and I have tracked together as we have sought to become more and more like Jesus. This has been a tremendous encouragement for both of us. We turn, and find each other being taught similar things. Sometimes I am a little further down the path of that journey, often she is trailblazing new paths, but in either case we are frequently reaching certain summits and milestones, going through valleys, and seeing landmarks at the same time together, side by side.

But maybe the most thrilling discovery over the last 16 years has been how all of the ingredients above have brought us closer and closer together in unison.

You see, if the fairy tale life we expected had come to fruition we never would have grown closer to each other. If conflict had not been allowed to shape us and expose hidden desires and parts of who we are, we would never experience the intimacy we enjoy now. In fact we would have stifled the very lives we would have both claimed we wanted when we started out. If we had lived life on the surface I am certain that we would not feel the unity that we feel together and before God that we experience now.

I had a friend describe two ways that couples often choose to relate with a lake metaphor. There are some people that tip toe around the edge of the water at the lake. They dip their toes in and walk in up to their knees gradually. They are cautious and make sure they don’t expose themselves to the danger that could lie beneath the surface of the water. They are afraid of going too far from the shore or dipping beneath the surface.

On the other hand, there are couples that jump into the lake and explore the depths. They drink from the deep waters that are below the surface. They are often startled by the temperature of the water. Sometimes the waves and wind mount a surprise coup that brings fear. They can’t be sure that when they go under everything will be fine when they surface again. In fact, there is always a chance that they won’t even get back to the surface again.

This is the kind of couple Elise and have chosen to be. Not that we have mastered anything, and we still stumble a lot, but we keep trying to explore the depths of each other and who we are as followers of Jesus.

There is something about knowing and being known that is inherently Godlike. He wants to know us, and wants us to know him. When you want to know and be known, it is going to be messy. It is going to be hard. But I would not trade this life with Elise for anything and the rewards on this side of eternity are ever increasing in their value. Not always on the surface but certainly in the deep waters that lie beneath. This is where the action really is.

Go and explore the depths of the deep. Love and be loved. Know and be known.

grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action

12/16/2007

An amazing woman.

3

When I was a kid my image of Mary, Jesus mother, was of a shy schoolgirl dressed in the classic church play costume. The girl was usually a little ackward and undercomfortable in her own skin and was scared looking even in the play carrying a cheap baby doll Jesus. I often wish the images I learned in Sunday School could be gotten rid of. Often the flanel boards and simplistic plays left a western culture, suburban image of the heroes of scripture.

The truth is that Mary was one of the greatest heroes in all of scripture.

Just after after she finds out that she will bear the Son of God in her womb, at a young age, and will be shamed by those around her she says:

“Behold I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

These words may be the most instructional words for any follower of Jesus in all of scripture. Mary clearly humbles herself (I am a servant of the Lord) and completely submits herself to what God wants (Let if be to me according to your word). In remarkably simple language Mary makes clear her position: regardless of what I want and even in circumstances that are sure to be seen as scandalous, I would have you do what you want in my life.

If you want the essence of the faith in Jesus I would argue that this may be it. I am a servant of the Lord, let it be to me according to your word.

John tells us another part of who Mary is. When she and Jesus were at a wedding and then ran out of wine she tells the servants

“Do whatever he tells you to do”

Mary clearly understands her son to be the miracle working son of God that he is.

In two more parts of scripture we see insight into Mary. The first is when she is at the foot of the cross watching her son die. How much pain this must have been. As a parent I can’t imagine watching my son being treated this way. I can’t imagine a more painful thing to happen. But there is Mary sitting at his feet.

“but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.”

The other is in Acts when we read about the followers of Jesus including the twelve and others:

“All these, with one accord, were devoting themselves together with the women and Mary mother of Jesus, and his brothers.”

My most admired part of Mary’s story though is when she goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth. Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and says:

“Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

Then Mary says:

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
He has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
He has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

This description, coming from a teenage jewish girl who was scandalously pregnant from the worlds perspective is one of the most faith filled description of God and his kingdom in all of scripture. Mary is speaking this magnificat while in the most difficult of situations and knowing that she has a long and difficult road in front of her. Even in this Mary is proclaiming that God will right the wrongs in this world. He will bring the rich down and the poor up. He will exalt the humble and humble the exalted.

I know I can often talk a good game. I can make myself look smart and wise occasionally. I can motivate people sometimes. I can call something out of people that may encourage them. I can get people to follow me. I can sometimes see strategic things that other people can’t. I can help peoples vision become action.

But in the end, I often rely on my own abilities and purue my own purposes rather than the mission of bringing the kingdom of God to this earth. Mary’s words and deeds are the ones that I want to embody in my life. Not the self serving way that I often go about using my gifts, abilities, talents and treasures on this side of eternity.

Mary’s words and actions inspire me. Aside from Jesus, she is hands down my hero of the men and women in scripture. These words and actions are the ways that I want to respond to what God does in my life:

I am the humble servant of the Lord
May it be according to your word
Do whatever he tells you to do
Stand at the foot of the cross
Devote yourself to prayer
Even in my struggles and scandalous situations proclaim the kingdom

MAY IT BE ACCORDING TO THESE WORDS.

grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action

12/01/2007

Desire and our Story

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I have been struck a lot lately by the amount that our desire and deciding what our story will be determines where we go and what we do with our lives. Two thoughts that I ran into this week made me stop dead in my tracks and think about what kind of a man I am becoming. One was a quote from a book I am reading called Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton:

“The depth of desire has a great deal to do with the outcome of our life. Often, those who accomplish what they set out to do in life are not those who are the most talented or gifted or who have the best opportunities. Often they are the ones who are most deeply in touch with how badly they want whatever they want; they are the ones who consistently refuse to be deterred by the things that many of us allow to become excuses.”

The other was a talk by Donald Miller about Our Story. It was a great reminder to me that each day every action is part of the story line of my life. The final quote by Miller was this:

“Our stories get written by what we do. Not by what we think or what we feel or what we want. That doesn’t count when you write a story. Its only written by what we do.”

What kind of a story am I creating? What will my legacy be? How will my wife speak of me when we are old and grey? How will my children speak of me when they are grown and gone? Who will I love and be loved by? What friends will I go the distance with? Who will exeperience God’s goodness as a result of my actions?

At the end of the day, when my life on this side of eternity ends and I pass on to the other side. What I want, my deep desire, what I want to determine my actions, is to be known as a man who was sold out for the mission of Jesus Christ on this earth – willing to lay down everything for Him. I fall way short most of the time but what I desire is to be that kind of man and to create that kind of a story.

I was talking to a good friend in Hawaii last night on Skype and he quoted a teacher he had learned from this week who said:

“Is the life that your living worthy of the death that Jesus died?”

This is my one and only life. My one chance. I want to lay it all out there and love people and be loved in it. Someday I’ll go home and my deep desire is to hear “well done Greg, your a good and faithful servant”.

grace.mercy.peace.truth.love.action

11/24/2007

Sailing anyone?

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Read a great segment from a book called “Exploring the Depths of Jesus Christ” yesterday. Really struck me as how God grows us into the people he wants us to be. Enjoy:

“When sailors first take a ship out of port it is very difficult to head her out to sea. They must use all their strength to get that ship clear of the harbor, but once she is at sea she moves easily in whatever direction the seaman chooses.

It is the same with you as you begin to turn within to God. You are like that ship at first you are very strongly bounded by sin and by self. Only through a great deal of repeated effort are you turned within, but eventually those ropes which bind you have to loosen.

Keep on turning within. Do so despite every failure, despite all the distractions that pull you away. If you will remain faithful and strong in this continual, turning gradually you will push off from the port of self, Leaving it far behind you will head for the interior to an abiding with God, for that is your destination.

What happens once the ship has left port? She moves farther and farther out into the deep sea and the farther from the port she goes the easier she moves.

There comes a time at last which she can use her sails, her oars are useless. They are laid aside, now her course is swift and what does the pilot do? He is content to spread the sails and hold the rudder. All he does now is keep the swiftly moving vessel gently on its course.

To spread the sails is to lay yourself before God in simple prayer. To spread the sails is to be moved by His spirit.

To hold the rudder is to keep your heart from wandering away from its true course. To hold the rudder is to recall the heart gently. You guide it firmly by the moving of the Spirit of God.

Now as you begin to move into Him, He will gradually gain possession of your heart. He gains it in the same way – little by little – that the gently breeze fills the sails and move the ship forward.

When the winds are favorable, the pilot rests from his work. The pilot rests and leaves the ship to be moved by the winds. Oh, what progress they make without becoming the least bit tired.

They are making more progress in one hour without any effort than they ever did before even when exerting all their strength. If the oars were used now, it would only slow the ship and cause fatigue. The oars are useless and unnecessary.”

08/15/2007

Disciples

1

Had a great time tonight with the guys around Yacoub’s pool. What a great spot for all of us.

Pat shared a bunch of principles about following Jesus. This is the essence of what I took away:

Christ is my life.
Christ and I love people

  • Elise
  • kids
  • family
  • friendships
  • employees
  • neighbors

Christ and I determine who I am going to be
Christ and I manage my body

  • exercise
  • diet
  • rest
  • being present with people

Christ and I run my business
Christ and I feed my mind, body and soul

  • what I take in determines my output

Christ is my life

The evening reminded me of one of the ideas that has helped me focus in the last year:

“The disciple is one who intends upon becoming Christlike and so dwelling in his faith and practice, systematically and progressively rearranges his affairs to that end.” Dallas Willard