Leadership RSS Feed
09/08/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #7

0

Route 40

40 in 40: #7

I’ve been eating breakfast at the Towson Diner on Friday mornings since September 3, 2004.

That was the first week of middle school for Caleb. Since then I’ve had one child in middle school and we have breakfast together Friday mornings. Caleb has done it. Josh has done it and now Riley is doing it.

In about 1,100 days Seth will be doing it.

It’s not an elaborate event. We get there around 7:15 and are gone by 8:00 and I’m in the office by 8:10 (yes I have a terribly easy commute). While we are there we read together and we talk.

That’s it.

When I was a younger parent I spent a lot of time creating “strategic plans” for my family (Seriously…I’m exciting like that. Gotta love a spreadsheet!). Most of these were well intentioned but doomed. Too formulaic, structured and ambitious. They usually consisted of some kind of checklist about our mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical health and the “activities” that were going to keep things in top shape.

I wasn’t easy to live with back then. If you have something like that for your family and it works that’s awesome.

For me about 10 years ago I realized that heroic effort on my part was not going to achieve the results I was looking for.

Lesson #7

Long endurance in the same direction creates good results.

At the end of the day what I really want is to have a great relationship with my kids. And one way I can do that is by spending time with each of them during a critical period in their lives. It doesn’t take heroic effort on my part to take a kid to a diner once a week and spend time with them.

What it does take is making a simple commitment and habituating it. We do that in 100′s of other ways in our lives (you did brush your teeth today right?).

There is no magic formula for parenting. I tell people that you will probably know the quality of Elise and my parenting in about 40 years. Only time will tell.

I do know that time together to talk creates space for good things to happen. That I can make happen.

What things are you putting in your life consistently that over time will produce the results you are looking for?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/08/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #6

0

Route 40

40 in 40: #6

I had breakfast with an old friend that I’ve known for 20 years just to catch up.

I spent the day working through relational issues with a client, some of our staff, and my business partner.

I had lunch with a client to debrief a recent project and identify areas for Blue Ocean Ideas to improve.

I spent the evening at back to school night with Elise meeting teachers, seeing friends and acquaintances.

I just got off the phone with a friend who is struggling with one of those life defining problems that will change his trajectory forever.

We are surrounded by people 80% of our waking time.

Lesson #6

Who we love and who loves us will define our lives.

Relationships are the fabric of life. How we deal with them will define us and our lasting impact in this world.

Who do you love? Who loves you?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/06/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #4

1

Route 40

40 in 40: #4

Most people who know me know that I am an independent person.

I was going to add a modifier to that phrase like “fairly” or “somewhat” or “sort of” but that would make that phrase a damn lie.

I am VERY independent.

Last weekend my parents were telling my kids that when I was 3 I took a bike from our garage and decided I was going to learn to ride a bike. Then I got on that bike and rode down a big hill we had in our yard. No dad running along side and encouraging, no easing into it, no training wheels. Just get on and ride.

The same story would be true in other areas of my life:

  • Learning how to ski (I lasted about an hour in ski school before my dad pulled me out because I was losing my mind).
  • Leaving home (I left before I finished high school and had my own apartment).
  • Going to college (I worked full time while going to school and starting a family).
  • Starting my own businesses (I worked for Erickson Retirement Communities for 4 years at the beginning of my career and have owned my own companies since then).

My independence is an asset. As a consultant and brand strategist you need to be able to think independently. It’s crucial.

But there’s a price.

Lesson #4

Ask for help when you need it.

This probably seems obvious to most of you. Somewhere in your brain there’s an “I need help” button that you push and then you look for who can help you with what you need.

My brain didn’t come with that button.

The button in my brain says, “You have to do it all by yourself.”

The problem with not asking for help is that you can’t navigate life alone. The richness in life comes from relationships where we are helping each other. For many years I deprived myself of that richness because I couldn’t ask for help.

For the last few years I’ve been able to ask for help and see the results.

  • In friendships this has meant new depth.
  • In business it has meant I’m able to have a partner to rely on.
  • In my marriage it has meant new intimacy with Elise that wouldn’t have happened without asking for help.

Are you able to ask for help when you need it?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/05/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #3

1

Route 4040 in 40: #3

I know a few people that are living life exactly how they thought they would.

One of our clients set goals about family, career, social life, etc. in his early 20′s and has executed on those goals. His life looks pretty close to what he was looking for.

But the vast majority of people I know are not living the life they thought they would when they were younger.

Dreams didn’t come true, relationships were broken, spouses and children faced physical challenges, and more.

There are positive stories as well: pregnancies after doctors said that wouldn’t happen, unexpected windfalls in a business, children facing challenges that surpassed expectations and brought joy and delight, rocky marriages that became filled with intimacy, careers that took off after long periods of struggle.

It seems that our level of predictability in life is very low.

I was sitting next to a family member last night that was lamenting the state of our society and some of the bad things that are happening. There was certainly truth in what they were saying. But a lot of the sentiments sounded like unwillingness to be flexible in the face of situations that require change.

Lesson #3

  • Change is inevitable.
  • Embracing change brings ability to influence.
  • Resisting change encourages irrelevance.
  • Living life more flexibly enables growth.

In my own life the last 5 years have been an exercise in learning this lesson.

I have:

  • Closed a business that I owned and provided income for our family.
  • Started a new business and all the challenges that go with getting that off the ground.
  • Seen my oldest son off to college.
  • Watched Elise’s journey from stay at home mom to therapist.
  • Seen friends deal with cancer, divorce, and infertility.
  • Seen others deal with great success, have relationships flourish and more.
  • Allowed some friendships to “dry up” that no longer had roots.
  • Grown in new friendships that I wouldn’t have seen coming.
  • Worked hard at growing my own capacity to live life well.

That’s a lot of change. Most people see similar changes in their lives over time. I may be on the “higher change” side of the spectrum the last 5 years but almost everyone has to deal with these kinds of changes over their lifetimes.

Ability to see changes that are needed and be flexible in the face of those changes is the LCGF (lowest common growth factor).

As I look at who I follow one of the traits that I value the most is the ability to see challenges, make changes, and grow throughout the process.

That’s the kind of person I want to be.

In what ways have your expectations been met, fallen short, or changed in your life over the last 5 years? Are you changing and maintaining flexibility in the face of the challenges your are facing?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

p.s. The client I mentioned above has spent the last 5 years struggling through how to change for the second half of his life. He achieved what he wanted and beyond. His challenge question is “now what?”.

09/04/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #2

0

Route 4040 in 40: #2

I spent much of my life wishing I was in different life circumstances than I was at the moment.

  • When I was in high school I wanted to be in college.
  • When I was in college I wanted to be working in my career.
  • When I was with a large corporation I wanted to be an entrepreneur.
  • When I was an entrepreneur I missed the ego boost I felt from working in a larger organization.
  • When I was with my family I was thinking about work.
  • When I was at work I was wondering why I hadn’t succeeded more yet.
  • When I went to one church I wished I was at a church more like xyz church.

And on and on and on.

Eventually I realized there was only one place to live: the present.

Lesson #2

Where you are right now is where you need to be

It’s taking me a long time to learn this one. I’m not always a good student. I still want things to be different in many ways and am impatient for results. But I have come to grips with this:

The launching point for my next place of growth in life is exactly where I am.

What would change if you were able to really accept where you are now?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

Page 2 of 7«12345»...Last »