10/01/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #28

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40 in 40: #28

When I was around 30 my kids were 9, 6, and 3. I was in the thick of young kid chaos. And I wasn’t sure how things were going for me as a dad.

So I looked for a solution. I asked a mentor, whose kids I thought had turned out terrific, this question:

“Pat, I need help. What were the rules that you used with your kids when they were young?”

First thing Pat said was, “Greg, I think you need to think differently about this. We have principles that guide our family, not rules.”

And then he shared those principles.

That was an invaluable lesson.

Lesson #28

In life, principles trump rules.

When I change my frame from “rule” to “principle” I see things differently.

The world gets a lot bigger. There is freedom. I can be creative.

I can look for solutions that work in my circumstances and in my life. I don’t need to live by arbitrary “rules” but rather by the things that I want to move toward in life.

There is joy in looking at life like that.

Are you striving to obey rules or are you looking for the principles that you want to be guided by?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/30/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #27

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40 in 40: #27

One of my sons went through a difficult experience recently.

It was not something he had anticipated, not a situation he wanted to be in, and changing the situation was going to be painful.

No parent wants to see their kid deal with a painful situation.

But pain is inevitable and in many circumstances the only thing you can do is act.

And then wait.

Lesson #27

You have to give time, time.

That may sound trite.

But for a lot of issues that we face, time will be what is needed. In fact for many things time is the only solution.

  • Great relationships don’t happen overnight, they take time.
  • Businesses don’t happen overnight, they take time.
  • Children don’t mature overnight, it takes time.
  • Broken legs don’t heal overnight, it takes time.
  • Culture isn’t affected overnight, it takes time.
  • Doctors aren’t trained overnight, it takes time.
  • Getting a job if you are out of work takes time.
  • Creative work like we do at Blue Ocean Ideas doesn’t happen overnight.

It all takes time.

What things in your life do you need to give time, time?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/29/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #26

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40 in 40: #26

Some weeks I work really long hours.

In fact the next 6 months are likely to take quite a few hours per week to accomplish what I want to. I won’t be working 80 hours every week but it’s going to be a lot.

I rarely let my inbox get above 30 email messages. Which means I manage email from bed, the bathroom, in front of the TV, and other places outside of work.

I wake up early to get to work. And I often stay late.

I try to exercise every day.

I’m trying to be a part of a small group at our church every other week.

I serve on a few non-profit boards and volunteer organizations.

Lesson #26

Work-life balance is a myth. I can no sooner keep it balanced than I can hold the tide back. My life is an integrated whole: family, work, spiritual life, exercise, reading, recreation, etc. are all part of one life. That life shares time, energy, talent and treasure.

There’s another part of this story:

  • I take 4-6 weeks of vacation a year (two weeks uninterrupted in the summer, a week at Christmas, 1/2 weeks at Thanksgiving and Easter).
  • I try to have dinner alone with Elise at least once a week.
  • I take Riley to breakfast every Friday.
  • I don’t miss many sporting events for the kids.
  • I try to be creative about how to spend the time with my family

David Greusel of Convergence Design speaks to this very clearly:

“I have also come to believe that the idea of achieving work-life balance, as it is referred to in the Human Resources departments of large companies, is a myth. I don’t cease to be an architect when I go home at night any more than I cease to be a husband and a father when I leave home for work. I have been trying very hard to de-compartmentalize my life the past few years. I want to be a whole person who is husband and father and architect and citizen twenty-four hours a day, attempting to order my various responsibilities so that I can discharge them well. But I think the notion that what results is a balance between work and family and community commitments is absurd.

“It is more like a well-rigged sailing ship, where keeping the lines in proper tension results in moving briskly across the ocean to your intended destination. My life is at least as complex as a three-masted schooner, and that requires making constant adjustments to keep the lines in the proper tension, neither too taut nor too slack”

And as I’ve said before…this is not about doing more or being busy.

Different people like different paces of life. I happen to enjoy when things are moving along at a clip. And occasionally I crash, or get sick (like today), or unplug on vacation.

That’s not a standard for anyone else and plenty of people think it’s too much. Part of the struggle for each of us is figuring out what YOUR rhythm is.

How are you keeping the lines on your ship in the right tension?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/28/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #25

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40 in 40: #25

By the time I was 20 I thought I had life all figured out.

By the time I was 30 I thought I had “arrived”.

Now that I’m turning 40 I realize how much I have to learn about everything.

That doesn’t diminish what I know. I know quite a bit about a number of things. There are even things you could even say I’ve mastered.

But for every topic that I have mastered there are 5 areas that need serious work. I need to fill some of those gaps with knowledge.

And even more importantly I have to practice. The only way to master anything is to practice.

This is true professionally, personally, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Almost any able body can run a marathon if they train for it. But very, very, very few people show up at the starting line and finish a marathon without training.

Lesson #25

Mastery is not an accident. It is the result of sustained practice at learning particular skills.

One of my favorite quotes is from Willie Nelson when he was asked about being an overnight success:

“Overnight success feels great after playing 10 years in honky-tonks behind chicken wire.”

Keep moving forward,

Greg

09/27/2011

40 in 40: Lesson #24

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40 in 40: #24

I spent my 20′s thinking about things.

I liked things. Wanted more things. It wasn’t all I thought about but it took up more mental real estate than I wished.

I would spend a lot of time organizing and reorganizing my things. It’s how I exercised control over my life (which often felt out of control).

I had friends that would borrow my things and if they weren’t returned the way I lent them I would get angry. You messed with my things.

About 10 years ago I read the 5 vows of spiritual power from A.W. Tozer. All of the vows are very helpful but for me this one was a personal watershed:

Lesson #24

Never own anything.

Things and the striving that go with them can derail me very quickly in my life. The freedom from that is terrific. I am a steward of things.

But they aren’t mine.

They can be gained, lost, lent, damaged, and destroyed. In the end they are just things.

I still often want things. To be honest I don’t think what I want is the problem.

It’s not our desires that are the problem.

It’s the ordering of our desires that creates the problems.

How are you ordering your desires? What’s taking too much room? What desire needs to be given more room to grow?

Keep moving forward,

Greg

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